I've been sitting here...for almost an hour taking this stupid drug and alcohol course online. and i must admit it's quite boring....if i'm being completely honest.
if i'm going to do something i really would like to enjoy it....i mean...hello, doesn't everyone want to do what they enjoy?
But that's not really wanted what i wanted to write about. The other day i was sitting by myself and i started thinking about all the things i'm trying to do right now. there is so much that i want to get done...so much that i feel like i'm behind on....and i want to get it all done right now. like...actually all this stuff needed to be done like yesterday in my mind.
it's like...i looked up from my life one day and realized all the stuff i haven't done...and i really want to do...but i haven't. either as a result of my laziness...or simply because of that old life.. neither are really excuses...just facts.
so..because of that moment of realizing that i haven't truly lived life in these past 18 years i want to cram all that living into like right now. i want to catch up and be where i need to be. but...that is a little bit scary...and totally not possible. i've been gulping in that fresh air....not thinking of the consequences....there is so much fresh air though! there is so much newness! there is so much that is wonderful and i wanna do it all!
*takes a deep breath*
but i need to do more of that. stopping. taking slow deep breaths and just reveling in the fact that i am free. that i have a whole new life in front of me. that i have a chance to see and interact with all the newness...i have so much newness waiting for me. i should just take my time and take one new thing at time. not trying to cram so much in to so little time and burning myself out.
so...what does that mean?
Well my first new thing was starting this new job. which was pretty darn big if i do say so myself..
the next new thing is i'm going to attempt to learn how to play the keyboard.
and during these two new things i'm going to do something that i've never done before.
i'm going to relax. to enjoy the moment and quit being scared that i'm going to wake up and it's all going to be gone. because....this isn't going to go away. this is my new life.. and i'm quite happy with it if i do say so myself
if i'm going to do something i really would like to enjoy it....i mean...hello, doesn't everyone want to do what they enjoy?
But that's not really wanted what i wanted to write about. The other day i was sitting by myself and i started thinking about all the things i'm trying to do right now. there is so much that i want to get done...so much that i feel like i'm behind on....and i want to get it all done right now. like...actually all this stuff needed to be done like yesterday in my mind.
it's like...i looked up from my life one day and realized all the stuff i haven't done...and i really want to do...but i haven't. either as a result of my laziness...or simply because of that old life.. neither are really excuses...just facts.
so..because of that moment of realizing that i haven't truly lived life in these past 18 years i want to cram all that living into like right now. i want to catch up and be where i need to be. but...that is a little bit scary...and totally not possible. i've been gulping in that fresh air....not thinking of the consequences....there is so much fresh air though! there is so much newness! there is so much that is wonderful and i wanna do it all!
*takes a deep breath*
but i need to do more of that. stopping. taking slow deep breaths and just reveling in the fact that i am free. that i have a whole new life in front of me. that i have a chance to see and interact with all the newness...i have so much newness waiting for me. i should just take my time and take one new thing at time. not trying to cram so much in to so little time and burning myself out.
so...what does that mean?
Well my first new thing was starting this new job. which was pretty darn big if i do say so myself..
the next new thing is i'm going to attempt to learn how to play the keyboard.
and during these two new things i'm going to do something that i've never done before.
i'm going to relax. to enjoy the moment and quit being scared that i'm going to wake up and it's all going to be gone. because....this isn't going to go away. this is my new life.. and i'm quite happy with it if i do say so myself
2 comments:
Yes my friend!!! Take your time....everything will pan out....trying to rush it isn't in God's plan. If those things were meant to be rushed, God would make things happen to where they need to be rushed. But He hasn't, He's letting things pan out step by step. And I'm right beside you every step of the way.....
hooray for newness =) nice post.
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